WHEN YOU DO NOT ACHIEVE YOUR GOAL....... (09 Jan 2010 @ 10am @ nEbo Cafe AMK Hub Level 4)

There are times that we just could not understand why we do not get what we want in life.
Why is it that some people could achieve their goals easily and effortlessly?
Why is it that we take so long to achieve only half of what we should get?
Have you experienced not achieving goal no matter how much effort you put in?
Would it be possible for you to achieve your goals easily and effortlessly?
Would it be worthwhile to you if you could reach the next lever of goal setting?
Would it be useful to you that you do not need to repeat your New Year resolutions?
Would it be valuable to you to learn some precious tips to achieve goals effectively?

What is it that you lack of in setting a goal successfully?
What is the effective way of setting a goal and achieving it successfully?
Your two toasters, SC and Jensen will share with you:
• What are the differences of the goals that you could achieve easily and goals that you do not achieve no matter how hard you have tried.
• What are the major ingredients to set goals and be able to achieve them.

How would you like to know….
• You goals are reachable vs. realistic?
• The appropriate steps of achieving your goals?
• How to deal with your negative emotion e.g. frustrations when you have not achieving your goals?
• How to stay focus on achieving your desirable goals?

There will be questioning and answering sessions during the discussion. Just sit back and relax to enjoy the coaching session - “Your Saturday Kaya Toast”…

Resolutions vs. Distractions

In the briefing room….

‘Hi, I am S C, initial of my name.....’

At my work place, we meet totally different set of team to work cohesively and to achieve the common goal.

Thus, we need to introduce ourselves in the briefing room before we head to the aircraft.

There are always too many of us to remember and my colleagues sometimes ‘misheard’ my name. The most common names that I get are Elsie and Estee.

To me, those are still wonderful names to be addressed….I would just leave it that way of what they are comfortable with….

However, there was ONE, only one among about 5,000 out of 7,000, I can’t say I have met all my colleagues… called me ‘Ignatius’ through out the trip…

Hahah….. He is unique! He is really good!!! Creative!!!

Do you have a resolution that has made for number of years, and yet you have not achieved it successfully?

You could say for zillions number of times, you would want to do it, and yet when the time to put into action, you say to yourself ‘perhaps next time I would do it,…’ or ‘after this …, … I would do it.’

You understand that almost all goals has the positive and negative sides of it and yet….seems other tasks are as important…

Or you feel that you want to finish the other tasks first, so that you can focus to achieve the main one.

Yet, it seems never ending story…. The other tasks keep coming in to distract you…and the distractions have become your stories to tell yourself or even others….the reasons why you are not DOING IT NOW…

This could be a lifetime resolution, it could be an eating habit, drinking habit, an action to buy a house, call up a friend, or even taking up a course or bringing your love ones for a trip….

It can just take a day for one to take the action…..

For some, nothing had happened for years for such an easy job….

What is the difference between the one who has taken the action compare with the one who delaying it?

What are the differences between the two?

Have they?

Have you gone through an important and yet difficult exam before?

What happened to you at that time?

You worked very hard before and celebrated after the exam. Right?

Before the exam…

For that one-month, you phone calling and outing have come to minimize…

You were so focus that you were not bothered to match your clothes or style your hair that much to go to the exam hall.

You were even used minimum time or postpone all the celebrations e.g. birthday parties.

You were so focus that you could not even bother to clean the house or car as frequent as before.

The taste of your favorite food has changed, as your focus was not there to enjoy eating it….

In front of your favorite series on TV, seems your heart was not there to enjoy watching it…

Nothing was as important as going through the exam smoothly…

You FOCUS was on the center of the dartboard…

There were no stories or excuses of distractions….

You have experienced that, don’t you?

Yes, you have.

YOU SEE!

YOU CAN STAY FOCUS TO DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO!

YOU HAVE DONE THAT BEFORE!!!

YOU ARE PRETTY GOOD IN STAYING FOCUS…

For you resolution,…either you NOT TO NOT, TO take the action NOW or TAKE THE ACTION NOW….

HAPPY NEW YEAR MY FRIENDS…

Expectation

‘Good morning sir’

‘Straits Times’

‘Good morning sir, welcome onboard!’

‘Straits Times!’

Sounds familiar? It was not a joke as it really happened to me months ago. Hahha….

Some of you may not know, this is one of the jokes at my work. When we greet the passengers come onboard in the plane, the reply from those very focus and task oriented business travelers is ‘Straits Times’. The national newspaper has become their way of greeting in the day.

We may see them as ‘no life’ people, as only the newspaper that they would greet or call. They seek in the surrounding as the finger of their profit margin.

Hahha…. I laughed over it, as it was not a joke at all after so many years that I have heard about. I felt honored that I actually have the chance to witness this reply from a gentleman.

Bizarre!! The feeling was so unreal! The reply was not what I have expected.

Not expected….

Expectation… we are saying…??

When I was young, I had so many beautiful expectations.

I expected I would have a really fun evening on my 18-birthday party at home….turned out to be a self inflicted disaster…

When I was in the collage, I expected I would become someone influential when I grown up… and yet, I am who I am now…

I expected that I could write a wonderful note to share yesterday; yet I was stuck for the whole day.

Expectation is what we hope for a positive outcome from what we have done….

We make effort to cook a nice meal for our family members, expect they would enjoy the food… rather than not coming home for dinner…

Sometimes we buy gift to our love ones and we expect the person would appreciate our effort to get the present…. at least a smile in her face rather than a poker…

A parent may expect the child to be someone influential after taking very good care of him in his education…at least someone has a professional job….

There are many things that we do to gain the joy from pleasing others…. with an expectation in return….

What happen if we do not get what we expected?

What if we do not get anything in return?

If we do everything with an expectation in return, we would not live our life fully and happily… because the things that we do is not what we truly want to do….

Do things that we truly wanted and win the smile from the heart of yourself….whether or not on how much others appreciate is not an issue, the most importantly, you enjoy every moment in life by doing your part of contribution to meet the end needs…

Let go of the expectation…. just do want you enjoy doing…

The gentleman who replied me ‘Straits Times’ have made my day as the joke was eventually came alive. That has kept me to stay alert through out the day.

‘Thank you sir’

Just Acceting A Bun

I recently found out that many of us have issue of facing people with a higher authority. A person may feel uneasy or behave differently e.g. not being self comfortably when being with someone who has a higher authority.

People with higher authority are those whom their bosses, customers/clients, celebrities, or someone who are influential in the society…. The uneasiness is most of the time, feeling small and less important or capable in front of these people….

I remember years ago I was crazy about helping up at homes. I sometimes took a nap in the cab right after a tiring flight without anything in my stomach. There are times that I needed to push a few old folks in wheel chairs with a little up hill for activities. Well, bore with the hunger and tiredness to do the work, just to make myself feel useful.

There was once an old lady offered me a bun that her daughter bought for her. Felt pity on the people in the home and I declined the offer. However, The old lady insisted. I could not bear the hunger and took one bun from her, at the same time I could see the sparkle in her eyes and suddenly the wrinkle in her face smoothen with a smile.

From the smile in her face, I suddenly realized I was totally wrong about myself. All this while I thought I should only give as they were ‘less capable’ than me. Therefore, it was not right for me to take anything from them….

By taking a bun from her, I have made her feel that she could contribute too….

Till today, I realized the bigger picture of the lesson that was presented to me though it happened years ago….

We know that everyone of us is here to contribute and help one another. This interdependency was design to make us to be together as ONE among the living things on earth.

Remember all events happen to us are for us to learn and to be more than who we are. Though we may perceive some of us are not capable to contribute and even feel they are doing harm to us.

It is just like…

There are times we watch babies who just learn on how to walk. They have no frustration and doubt about their own abilities. People around them could walk and function in many areas far much better than the babies who just learn to use the strength of their legs to stand and walk….

What do we normally do to them?

Some of us help them to walk by holding them…

Some of us just leave them alone and believe that sooner or later they know…

Either way that we do, we encourage them to stand up and walk by themselves…

Soon, they learn on how to cycle by using the children size bicycle… while we cycle on the adult bicycle…

It is just like…..

Some of us could climb a smaller mountain in days…. And some of us are physically stronger and able to climb prominent mountain within the same number of days….

…. No matter how or in what way, all of us are capable of climbing mountain….

Now, look back the time that I thought the people that I work in the homes were less capable than me, that I should have only give to make all happy…

Think again….

They are still capable by just offering me a bun after noticing my hunger and tiredness…. It is just they climb a smaller mountain….

Yet still a mountain…

Hmmm….

The issue of facing higher authority is seems diminished and disappeared in the air…

All of us are as important…

Respect for the other person’s model of the world

“How are you today? Feeling good? Have you taken you meal…” The boss of the laundry shop spoke to the little dog in front of his own unit. Where there was a luxury car parked in front and the customer sent in a few pieces of expensive clothes for laundry with his pet (the dog) in side the car.

The old man in the car obviously a regular customer to the laundry shop. Once the car parked in front of the unit, the boss automatically stepped out to receive the clothes for laundry and have small chat with both, the old man and his pet.

This boss is someone came from China not long ago. Due to his hard work and excellent PR skill, he is able to build his business successfully in a very short time after he migrated to San Francisco, U.S.A

He is really doing, what the Chinese phrase direct translation: Speaks human language when he meets a human, and speaks spirit language when he meets a spirit. He respects and welcomes all who come to him without judgment, and even he would not ignore a little dog in front of him.

Yes, you may say, he is good in bringing in sales to his business. What he is doing is what good sales personnel could do. But not to forget, almost all customers nowadays could feel whether your service is sincere, honest and comes from the heart. What’s more, we are always pampered with choices in the market.

In fact, all of us are very good at it. Like the way we speak to children is always loving and forgiving. We draw the picture of the fantasy world while talking to them. And when we talk to an old lady, we speak to them with respect and caring tone of voice.

We are very good at that.

By the time we come home. When we face our partner, spouse, children, parents and siblings at home. That’s a whole different story. We expect people around us follow what we believe. From cleanliness, religion, behavior, value and believe system.

The marriage and birth certificates seems like the certificates that we own the person for life and expect s/he to follow what we believe in.

Some of us may be unknowingly doing it unconsciously. It is very common among the Asians. The inner connection has become wider with tasks and roles in place with expectation at home.

Stress from work and pressured from time has evidently affected the relationship with children at home too. To many, the most effective way is to ‘control’ them…. Not to carry the baby once s/he cries, big boy do not cry, just frighten the child with canning and venting out with screaming would be the fastest way… to discipline a child.

Well, if one thinks that his or her way of doing thing is the best then, we could ‘clone’ another to keep the company for life. That would be no issue of differences, disappointment, or even perceive of making mistake in daily activities.

Hmm…However, in Chinese saying ‘If I was born with a special skill in life, it is definitely serve the humanity widely. That must be a use of it in this planet.’

Respect every profession is contributing to the society in it’s own way.

Respect every difference in behavior that the person has is her unique way to reach her own destination.

Respect every forgetfulness event happens of a person is the journey for the person to make.

Respect every perceived incompetence of a person, it’s just the person has got some other gifts to contribute in the team.

Respect every mistake that the person make is a lesson for the person to learn.

Respect every negative emotion (anger, sadness, guilt,…) the person has is to make the person to be responsible and take charge of his purpose in life.

Respect every individual has got his own speed to learn lessons and own pace to move forward.

Respect every failure that the person is facing is an opportunity for the person to break through to have the successful outcome.

Sometimes we may want our love ones to speed up the process of getting out of the box of self-inflicted conflict. The thing is the person has not learned the lesson and he never be able to see the box that he is having.

What we can do to help others is to respect the person in where he is now, and have the PATIENT to LEAD him out to where he could be.

Respect the differences that we have….

Respect for the other person’s model of the world….

One of the presuppositions of NLP

Perception is Perception

In NLP, we learn Perception is Projection.

 

That means what’s happening to your surrounding is a reflection from the in side of you….

 

How others treating you is eventually how you treat yourself unconsciously…. either you are aware or unaware of it consciously….

 

In life, sometimes, …

 

There are times; you feel you are a victim. Victim of being cheated by a business partner, victim of being betray in a relationship, victim of being a loser in an unreasonable competition, victim of being used, victim of being out cast in a community…

 

In order to be a successful victim, most of the time, there must be a bad person to be blamed of…. The person, who has done something unacceptable in a society, be it hurting the victim, doing harm to the victim.

 

S/he has done something that in conflict in value and belief system with the victim…

 

A successful victim has to being perceived as a good person, in fact innocent in the whole situation.

 

Many of us, unconsciously acting as a victim and pointing finger to others about what others have done wrong that caused us to feel hurt.

 

The victim, most of the time, is not aware of what s/he is treating oneself in the unconscious mind, that projected on the out side on how others treating him / her.

 

This will become a repeated pattern if the lessons not learn… in many areas in life… for years and sometime even a lifetime long…

 

Wonder you remember?

 

Every fall that you experienced is to make you to become a stronger person.

 

You become wiser by gaining each lesson that you learned.

 

You know that, right?

 

From there, people will tell you about forgive and forget about the person’s wrong doing… Right?

 

With all the opportunity of the knowledge and lessons that you have gained, we should extend our apologies to the person who hurt us in the first place.

 

???

 

Why? Why do we need to?

 

Think carefully…..

 

The person has to act in a role of being a bad person for us to learn about ourselves. Don’t you think it is an ugly role to play with?

 

The person who has taken up the role of being ugly for you to learn….

 

or as a reminder for you to learn how you treat yourself in side,

 

s/he is a truly victim…...

 

………

 

Perception is Projection

 

Hahahah………..

 

 

 

Focus on Self Only

 

I am finally back from the mountain of knowledge. I am back to my flying routine, observing my day-to-day activity. Though I miss the days in the mountain, just focus learning about myself, and function to be a better human.

 

Sometimes, maybe you have experienced…. There are times that you cannot understand why things that have presented in front of you. Though you may wonder in many reasons there are repeated pattern in your life…

 

This could be repeated pattern in how you face similar situations, could be at work when your demanding boss request you to do a certain tasks that have conflict in your value and beliefs, or your family member always give you the same issues to handle.

 

This issues keep coming back to you repeatedly…. in many ways..

 

Sometimes you say to yourself  : Not Again!

 

Though you may think that you are under control of everything that comes to you most of the time. You feel that you know what you are doing that produces best result that could be. That is the best that you could do… all this while…

 

Until one day, you found out there is a better way to manage the same situation. You realized you have wasted so much time and effort. Yes, it could be someone mentioned it before or you knew the answer before, but just, at that time you were not receptive enough to capture the new way of doing things.

 

You just do not understand why you behaved such a way?

 

You feel like you have walked through a long journey, just to come to a small step ahead only….

 

Just don’t understand why…..

 

You have been very careful of everything that you do… You thought you were doing the best that you could….

 

You just did not grasp hold of the essence of learning at that time…

 

Hmm….

 

That reminds me of someone was telling me about…

 

We take one step at a time with our own pace…

 

Sometimes there are things that we tried so hard to reach, be it a learning process, or a statement… We just could not understand….

 

That’s right….

 

Therefore, we just take one step at a time… by comparing to the self not to others.

 

Ever individual is unique, and walk at a different pace in life…

 

We are NOT comparing to others in order to improve ourselves…

 

We could observe others in what we can improve in ourselves, but NOT comparing with them…

 

We are here to improve ourselves in each step that we take…. Each step that we move ahead is always better than the step before….

 

We are just comparing to self only…

 

By doing so, you will find yourself moving even faster than you could imagine of…

 

This is what we meant by FOCUS ON SELF ONLY…

 

This is one of the major learning that I have gained during my NLP Trainer’s Training in the mountain of knowledge…

 

 

 

Flexility

When I first learned NLP, I could not understand why flexibility in behavior is so important.

 

Why flexibility is so important in our behavior?

 

Why is that so, the people with flexibility in behavior control the system much better?

 

Well, a little story ….

 

I am here in Sydney, attending a super intensive training for a month. Here is the only day that I could totally switch off in my favorite pajamas. I took a four-hour nap in the afternoon. After a wonderful dinner and listening to a talk at home, my friend just pass me a marker pen to teach a group of people.

 

Then what?

 

In my pajamas, with my messy hair after a long nap, without preparing notes and in front of a group of sales people!

 

The old ‘me’ could have rejected the opportunity to share with others.

 

Firstly, my extreme introvert behavior would show. Then I would be thinking of how would they think of me as a trainer to teach in my pajamas? With my hair sticking out standing in front of a group of people? Not well prepared and unsure of what I am going to teach?

 

No way in the old me!

 

As much as I could remember now, I was just doing what I could do! That is to share something valuable to them in order for them to improve their business.

 

I decided to just blend into a totally Aussie style in my friendly pajamas and unique hairstyle. I focus on just do what I need to do…. Hahahha…..

 

Result?

 

They enjoy the session with my friend and me. They have even connected to things that they have just learned pretty fast.

 

Phew! I am glad that my objective achieved.

 

Now I understand. Thank you my friend.

 

 

 

Jealousy

Weeks ago, I had a drink with a friend whom, we keep in touch at heart. That means we do not see or talk to each other very often. We may have a drink once in two years, though we both live in the same small island.

 

He told me about his anger with his father and how much he felt that he was jealous about his classmates, who had the chance to complete their further education. Well, now he has understood and operated at the cause side of the equation. He knows that he always have the choice to continue his studies anytime now. 

 

I was kind of impressed of my friend’s honesty and willingness to make the change to progress in life.

 

One thing I realized is, either envy or jealousy does not help us to progress. This feeling makes us regress and incompetent…..

 

How is that so?

 

It is just a negative emotion…. How could it make us regress?

 

I used to envy about others who could enjoy luxurious in life. Be it, they are capable to make the money or they inherited a big sum, or married someone rich…..

 

The feeling prevented me to feel capable to have what I want in what I can make…. I had the feeling of dependency and the need of someone else’s help…

 

Hope that I have a really high pay job….

 

Hope that I have the chance to married rich….

 

Hope that I would be lucky enough to inherit a big sum of money…..

 

Hope that I would be awarded a big sum of money…..

 

I did not believe that I could make all the things that I enjoy by myself…

 

With all these ‘I hope’ and depending on others, has weaken my belief that I could have it all by myself…..

 

How are we going to do when we feel that way?

 

That’s very easy…..

 

 

…..

 

 

Just turn the table around…….

 

 

 

.........

 

 

 

Hahaha….Thank you my friend…. I have learned a great lesson from you…..

 

 

 

The Vocal People

Please enjoy! A performance by "The Vocal People" at:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfjXd3nIedE

 

They are excellent, aren't they?

 

We wish we could do things like how they are performing. Aren't we?

They seem doing it easily and effortlessly. 

We wish we could be like them when pursuing our dreams. Aren't we?

That means our dreams have come true when we are doing it with that excellent result.

 

Do you believe that they have spent more than 10,000 hours in order to be that good? 

Do you believe that almost all the time, even right now, they take care of their vocal...

Do you believe that because of the passion and beliefs that they have, 

they have given up a lot of things that we enjoy?

Do you believe that they perfect their voice almost 24 hours a day as long as they are awake? 

 

I believe they have gone through a lot of frustration…

Some are slow learners, some are fast learners, ....

All of them came from different background,...

Yet they can come together to present such a wonderful piece. 

 

So what is the ingredient that they have?...to become so successful....

 

'I have a policy. I never listen to anyone explain why they can't do something'

by Michael Cain

 

Learning is in the Doing and Doing and Doing and Doing and Doing.... 

So please give up your argument for your limitation

By doing that, you will find your dream is getting closer....

 

 

To my dear friends, 

You may find I do not write in the next few weeks. 

I will be away from now till November 2009. 

Take care and enjoy the year-end seasons...

How to get there?

I have been sharing with people about ‘operate at cause’, ‘go with the flow’, ‘patient’, ‘be yourself’, …

It seems all the greatest formulas have been remembered or written down.

The next common question that they would ask is ‘How do I get there?’

There?

What? Where?

Firstly, we must understand what is the ‘there’ means to you.

‘There?’ to many of us is either ‘success’, ‘rich’, ‘having a family’ or ‘good looking’, … in sum it’s a feeling of ‘happiness & contentment’….

Well, we are aware that many of us do not need to be rich, successful, good looking or having a family in order for us to be happy. E.g. some can have a decent job alone and yet they can have fun everyday.

In the contrast, one can be the richest man in town with wonderful wife and children, and yet he can be keep dwelling in his box of negative emotions.

Then, what are we chasing for?

To me.

It is just a state of mind.

Yes, it is the state of mind that we are talking about. That is the ‘there’ that we are saying.

The state of mind that we feel peaceful and contented.

How?

How to reach there?

Have you ever learned on how to ride on a bicycle?

Every learning process starts from having the AWARENESS. From the awareness, you had LET GO of a certain degree of RESISTANCE to move forward. This is when you first found out the joy or usefulness of riding a bicycle. It is just like the realization that you have, you have ‘to do something’ to move forward in life.

From the awareness that you have, you would start asking people or self the ‘HOW TO’. The ‘HOW TO’ answers will give you options of different ways to ride a bicycle. When you are SEEKING for answers, you would encounter many teachers along the way being physical or non physical. It can be from people, books, events, religion… that you have come across.

BE BRAVE TO MOVE FORWARD BY TAKING THE ACTION ON STEPPING the pedals and the wheels will follow your momentum to roll forward.

SURRENDER to the flow of riding a bicycle. It is easier to let go of the control and have the FLEXIBILITY to turn the steering instead of holding it too tight.

Have the PATIENT in the PROCESS OF LEARNING. With the patient that you have on keep practicing it, you can eventually achieve no matter what on riding a bicycle. The more patient that you have the easier you are in the flow of learning.

TRUST YOURSELF that you have it. Be 100% congruently that you can have the skill. With this belief, you can reach the balance with the two thin wheels.

Each fall that you have experienced, allow you to remember what not to do and what to learn from the point that you have fallen. Be patient and consciously reminding yourself until you have INTEGRATED the lessons.

NEVER GIVE UP TO CONTINUE THE JOURNEY OF LEARNING IN LIFE and eventually you will be able to ride a bicycle at ease.

Focus on the NOW. Past failure have made you wiser but not to deter your success in the future.

Keep the CURIOSITY going to find the balance between the two wheels by having the patient to try out in different sitting position on a bicycle.

Once you have gone through the conscious learning. You will come to the point that you are riding on a bicycle unconsciously. You start to enjoy the scenery, chatting with friends around and even laughing while riding a bicycle.

All of these points can sum up to one word.

One word?

Yes, one word only.

What is it?

‘PATIENT’…

Tree

I enjoy watching trees when I have a moment.

I always admire the arch of their branches stretch out to form artful lines.

For a long time, I follow its deep thought...

What is it that I can learn from a tree?

A tree has deep rooted on the ground just like a strong foundation to support the whole body. Most of the time, no matter what external circumstances, a tree would still remain strong and sturdy to stand up straight to face situations.

A tree has the patient to grow. The older and taller that it gets, the clearer and further it can see. It enjoys living into now by staying healthy and graceful in every moment.

A tree does not discriminate whether a dog pees on its root or a bird stains its branches. It takes the opportunities to serve all that it can.

A tree exposes to rain or shine, it continues to let go of having judgment to shelter those even vandalize on its skin.

A tree remains beautiful without grievances even it bears its fruit for others to take away.

It stays positively even human selfishly to practice ……deforestation.

A tree is always worthy for us to admire, isn’t it?

Relationship

What is a relationship?

It is a rapport and trust that have built between two people. They both may have the same interest or with different interest so that they both learn from each other.

The funny thing about relationship is, some people thought that the other party should have known them so well, that they can skip the part of communication, and presume s/he would understand. They have forgotten that even siblings who were brought up in the same family also have differences.

How a mother learn about her baby communicate with her, whether the baby was hungry, unwell or sleepy? Mother who takes care of her baby so well as she knows every single move of her baby shows a sign to her of what is the baby doing.

When the baby has grown up to become a teenage boy, the quality time spends between mother and son maybe lesser. Son knows how to hide emotion from her as he was trained to be a strong boy with ‘man does not shed tears’ theory. Words and actions have become so important in order to close the gap between the mother and son. If not, generation gap was always a convenient excuse of explaining of having the huge deep gap.

Why married couples are having conflict? They assume the love one should have known and understood how s/he feeling in side. Or sometime the partner brushed off the comment or opportunity to reveal the feeling. Yes, you may say the one who always like to voice out is the woman. Women like to have someone to listen to them in order for them to feel important. Like wise, man like to be respected especially in front of their friends and family members. The excellent result produced by their children is always their trophy of having a great family.

Relationship is just like having a plant, we need to continuously water the plant (communicate) and allow the plant to expose to the sun light (allow freedom to nurture). Once in a while we may need to repot and fertilize (open to make the change for improvement), so that both partners can grow together.

Many of us are living in busy metropolitans and always think that they have Internet and cell phone to keep closely in touch of their love ones at home like concerning meals, parties and projects at hands. They have forgotten that the emotion is the core of every individual. Some live in the city for too long that they have forgotten to get in touch of their inner self and even feel uneasy or guilty to reveal their negative emotion to their partner. They feel that they are giving their partner more burden, especially with a partner who avoids getting in touch with feelings.

Eventually, we are still human with feelings. When both partners are having a huge gap and find that they could not find a way to close the gap, they would decide to split. They say they do not have feeling for each other anymore. Or it could cause by having too much of daily conflict that the negative emotion is too overwhelming for staying together.

When asked to discuss just five things what they like and do not like about each other. They found rather shocking source that they have misunderstood each other. All the conflict starts from the perception and response that they chose, from the root cause during the childhood days.

Relationships need communication to develop, patient to nurture and each other’s support to have the courage to grow together. Yes, even we have a long time relationship with our parents of forty years, we still need to work on it to keep the tie sturdy.

Slow Down Culture

A work partner forwarded a very interesting mail that I feel like sharing with you:

“Slow Down Culture
It's been 30 years since I joined Volvo, a Swedish company. Working for them has proven to be an interesting experience. Any project here takes 2 years to be finalized, even if the idea is simple and brilliant. It's a rule. Globalize processes have caused in us (all over the world) a general sense of searching for immediate results. Therefore, we have come to posses a need to see immediate results.

This contrasts greatly with the slow movements of the Swedish. They, on the other hand, debate, debate, debate, hold x quantity of meetings and work with a slowdown scheme. At the end, this always yields better results. Said in another words:
1. Sweden is about the size of San Pablo , a state in Brazil .
2. Sweden has 2 million inhabitants.
3. Stockholm , has 500,000 people.
4. Volvo, Escania, Ericsson, Electrolux, Nokia are some of its renowned companies. Volvo supplies the NASA.

The first time I was in Sweden, one of my colleagues picked me up at the hotel every morning. It was September, bit cold and snowy. We would arrive early at the company and he would park far away from the entrance (2000 employees drive their car to work). The first day, I didn't say anything, either the second or third. One morning I asked,
"Do you have a fixed parking space? I've noticed we park far from the entrance even when there are no other cars in the lot." To which he replied, "Since we're here early we'll have time to walk, and whoever gets in late will be late and need a place closer to the door. Don't you think?" Imagine my face.

Nowadays, there's a movement in Europe name Slow Food..
This movement establishes that people should eat and drink slowly, with enough time to taste their food, spend time with the family, friends, without rushing. Slow Food is against its counterpart: the spirit of Fast Food and what it stands for as a lifestyle.

Slow Food is the basis for a bigger movement called Slow Europe, as mentioned by Business Week. Basically, the movement questions the sense of "hurry" and "craziness" generated by globalization, fueled by the desire of "having in quantity" (life status) versus "having with quality", "life quality" or the "quality of being". French people, even though they work 35 hours per week, are more productive than Americans or British. Germans have established 28.8 hour workweeks and have seen their productivity been driven up by 20%. This slow attitude has brought forth the US 's attention, pupils of the fast and the “do it now!”

This no-rush attitude doesn't represent doing less or having a lower productivity. It means working and doing things with greater quality, productivity, perfection, with attention to detail and less stress. It means re-establishing family values, friends, free and leisure time. Taking the "now", present and concrete, versus the "global", undefined and anonymous. It means taking humans' essential values, the simplicity of living. It stands for a less coercive work environment, more happy, lighter and more productive where humans enjoy doing what they know best how to do. It's time to stop and think on how companies need to develop serious quality with no-rush that will increase productivity and the quality of products and services, without losing the essence of spirit.

In the movie, Scent of a Woman, there's a scene where Al Pacino asks a girl to dance and she replies, "I can't, my boyfriend will be here any minute now". To which Al responds, "A life is lived in an instant". Then they dance to a tango.

Many of us live our lives running behind time, but we only reach it when we die of a heart attack or in a car accident rushing to be on time. Others are so anxious of living the future that they forget to live the present, which is the only time that truly exists. We all have equal time throughout the world. No one has more or less. The difference lies in how each one of us does with our time. We need to live each moment. As John Lennon said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans".

Congratulations for reading till the end of this message.

There are many who will have stopped in the middle so as not to waste time in this globalize world.” (By an unknown writer)

I hope you enjoy reading it as I did and find this note to have a better understanding of being at present moment. Focus on what’s at hand only with 100% commitment to produce excellent result at ease, by taking one step at a time. Now is what and all we have, so live fully and treasure it….

Thank you for sharing to whoever written this beautiful note.

Be yourself...

Dilemma happens when both sides of the equation are desirable. When we have a dilemma, we tend to feel uneasy and even stress. What’s going on in side us?
The conscious mind and the unconscious mind are fighting.

Most of the time, to be yourself, the unconscious mind, is talking.

On the other hand, comfort and to be socially acceptable side, the conscious mind, persuading you what is right or wrong to do.

What do you do?

Yes, listen to your heart. We always hear the ‘but, but, but….’

You mean you are not comfortable to be yourself?

You feel uneasy just to make the decision to feel who you are?

Then how could you say you can take care of someone if you feel uncomfortable to be yourself?

How could you say you can live without anyone and yet you are not being yourself?

Most importantly, how could you stretch out to help more if you are not centered to be yourself?

Then you say ‘But, but, but, ….. the future maybe this or that…’

You can’t even handle ‘now’ to make a simple decision and why do you need to take care of the future?

What makes you think that the future would be easier?

Did you think the same way ten years ago?
The future would be easier?

What happen now as ten years later?

In the actual fact, time is just a measurement created by the human to measure past, present and future. There is no time at all and everything is just happen now.

Now is the matter.
We handle what we need to handle now and ‘now’ is all we have. Once you focus the ‘now’ and be yourself, there is no question of being in a dilemma!

We stop growing when we try to handle the past and the future. That’s when we hear people saying ‘I’m stuck!’. We evolve much faster and at ease when we just focus the now. The nature will take place to lead us to move forward. The nature will take care of everything for what is needed for us to learn within us.

Remember when we were little, we peed in our pants while we slept and we did not worry about we would continue doing that when we grow up. The nature takes place for us to learn when we need to use the washroom even in the middle of deep sleep now. Yes, you may say, our parents trained us to do that. That’s right, the nature takes place to have them to train us, and also we notice the discomfort that we have and the function of the washroom too.

Ah! I think I have been thinking too much. It is just the joy of being myself. Hahahha……

Remember to smile to yourself too...

When was the last time you spend some quiet time by yourself?

When was the last time, you listen to your own heartbeat in the silence?

When was the last time, you feel the vibration of your own pulse?

Day in day out, we busy fulfilling chores in order to achieve our goals. We seek answers externally by wondering what’s our partner have been thinking, reading newspapers to know what’s going on in the world, watching TV or playing computer games to stir our emotion, planning surprises for our love ones,….

Have you spent time by yourself lately?

Do you keep in touch with your inner self always?

In this modern society, we keep chasing after having latest technology to assist us to save time, yet it seems not the case. Today, Internet makes wonder. We could save lots of time from going to the bank, ticket booth, bookstore, … we can even keep in touch with love ones by making video call, checking email wherever we go, … and yet we always hear people saying ‘not enough time’, ‘no time for this or that’, ‘busy, busy, busy’. That means all the inventions do not help us to save time? Or we keep adding more tasks to ourselves? Or our expectations are increasing in order to save more time?

Expectation?

What is expectation?

Customers expect service providers treat them highly. The best is, the doors of the car would be open for them to get down once arrived at the mall, then push trolley for them to pick up items, and then help them to load bags into the car before they leave. The next day, you may find another mall is competing with having mist of perfume at the entrance for welcoming their shoppers and driving them by golf carts to shop.

Soon, you may find customers have become intolerant with a slight flaw of the service providers have made. On the other hand, service providers keep improving by adding more tasks, to meet the receiving end. The gap of separation has become greater and greater. Stresses occur when we doubt about our capability and expectations not met. We have forgotten that we originally came into this world for contribution (to make this world a better place to stay) by practicing interdependency and partnerships.

This scenario not only happen in a competitive business, it also happens in relationships. Conflicts of senior needed to be supremely respected and junior expected to be pampered in the office, or woman wants to be treated like princess and man wants to be treated like a king at home.

To stay competitive, we start training our children to behave ‘professionally’ to meet expectations since young. In adulthood, we spend so much time thinking of how others treating us and who have failed to meet our expectations, or we doubt about self-competency to meet others’ expectations…

Have we spent some time to understand on how we treat ourselves?

Have we given ourselves a good pat when we have done a good job?

When was the last time you listen to yourself?

When was the last time when you feel just yourself?

When was the last time, you look into the mirror and to your eyes to say ‘I love myself’?

Remember to smile to yourself too….

We are all excellent Movie Stars!!

After years of indulging into psychology and spirituality, I finally have learned one thing – our state and emotion affect our capability and performance.

I sometimes enjoy watching soccer and it is always unpredictable!! A team may lose badly during the first half of the game. The most respectable attitude is that the team can maintain the up beat spirit to have won the second half of the game. Thus, no matter what happen a moment ago, they can drop fear and failure immediately to move forward to achieve their dream and passion.

But then how? How do we always maintain that kind of ‘never say die’ spirit? How do we overcome failure and turn it around into excellence immediately?

This is like how a famous celebrity can make you cry in the movie even though you knew it is not real? How do they fight in the movie that have stirred your emotion for hours? How? How an award-winning star can be so influential that you could associate him as a mafia? Or a romance idol? How to do that? What we can learn from them?

Many of us have forgotten that we could bring up the state that we want at anytime. It can be as easy as bring back a sweet memory when you face a challenge or to behave like someone when it is needed.

Remember the time when we were still playing dolls, princess, or cooking in the kitchen? Or play soldiers in the war for boys, Star Wars, Transformer, Astro Boy…? We were so good at it that we could simulate almost everything from making the sound, the way we walk, the way we talk, the way we behave, …. The more we played, the more creative we were at being in the state of the character. At that time, we could even bring back the positive emotion instantly! We could fell down laughing for no reason!!

We enjoyed that, didn’t we? We did pretty well, didn’t we? What happen to us now? Forgotten on the how to become a movie star? Forgotten on how to laugh over silly things that we did? Hahaha……

In NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), we learn:
‘There is no unresouceful people, there is only unresourceful state’

It is still a choice!

There are times we knew in side, there is a decision to be made for a change. Yet we still drag the issue along while we walk. It could be the doubt not significant enough for us to make the change, yet the ‘doubt’ keeps coming into our quiet mind. It is just like months before the wedding day. There are a few who have this doubt that they may not have made the right decision. However, the calling of wanting to meet expectations pressing in as though it is a self inflicted conflict. And with the fear of ‘loosing out’ and ‘being alone’ stepping in to haunt especially during festive seasons.

To some it is just a minor dilemma, whether to follow the heart or the mind in eagerly wanting to be accepted and avoiding the truth.

There are times that a minor symptom of illness shows from a conflict, unhappiness, stress, anger… that has become headache, backache, giddiness, sore… that many of us continue to walk as they tell themselves ‘I have no time to discover that, just a little while more, I will be O.K.’ They bear the discomfort as the discomfort is getting more and more serious to a major ‘dis-ease’. They do not think they need to change because this is their ‘principle’; this is their way of life. They do not realize that they have the choice to be at peace, calmness, happiness and positive. Even to some of them, the negative emotions are too overwhelming that they could not believe that there is always bright light at the end of the tunnel.

When the pain is getting worse, they seem awaken from an uncontrollable dream, or for some, have recognized and accepted it that they cannot remember on how they were originally without the pain. Then they start to blame the world that has been unfair to them and their painful stories have become their own identities.

We always feel comfortable when we are at a familiar environment or with little goodies ahead. What we do not realized is that the world is evolving very fast. Change is part of the essence of life as long as we are willing to let go of the floating device (control) and float with the current (surrender). That is to learn, to make the change and move forward. Everyone has to move, if not, pain will set in to push us if we keep avoiding it.

Now the choice is yours, either you welcome the change and float with the current, or be push by pain. We always be given a choice in life, don’t we?