Just Acceting A Bun

I recently found out that many of us have issue of facing people with a higher authority. A person may feel uneasy or behave differently e.g. not being self comfortably when being with someone who has a higher authority.

People with higher authority are those whom their bosses, customers/clients, celebrities, or someone who are influential in the society…. The uneasiness is most of the time, feeling small and less important or capable in front of these people….

I remember years ago I was crazy about helping up at homes. I sometimes took a nap in the cab right after a tiring flight without anything in my stomach. There are times that I needed to push a few old folks in wheel chairs with a little up hill for activities. Well, bore with the hunger and tiredness to do the work, just to make myself feel useful.

There was once an old lady offered me a bun that her daughter bought for her. Felt pity on the people in the home and I declined the offer. However, The old lady insisted. I could not bear the hunger and took one bun from her, at the same time I could see the sparkle in her eyes and suddenly the wrinkle in her face smoothen with a smile.

From the smile in her face, I suddenly realized I was totally wrong about myself. All this while I thought I should only give as they were ‘less capable’ than me. Therefore, it was not right for me to take anything from them….

By taking a bun from her, I have made her feel that she could contribute too….

Till today, I realized the bigger picture of the lesson that was presented to me though it happened years ago….

We know that everyone of us is here to contribute and help one another. This interdependency was design to make us to be together as ONE among the living things on earth.

Remember all events happen to us are for us to learn and to be more than who we are. Though we may perceive some of us are not capable to contribute and even feel they are doing harm to us.

It is just like…

There are times we watch babies who just learn on how to walk. They have no frustration and doubt about their own abilities. People around them could walk and function in many areas far much better than the babies who just learn to use the strength of their legs to stand and walk….

What do we normally do to them?

Some of us help them to walk by holding them…

Some of us just leave them alone and believe that sooner or later they know…

Either way that we do, we encourage them to stand up and walk by themselves…

Soon, they learn on how to cycle by using the children size bicycle… while we cycle on the adult bicycle…

It is just like…..

Some of us could climb a smaller mountain in days…. And some of us are physically stronger and able to climb prominent mountain within the same number of days….

…. No matter how or in what way, all of us are capable of climbing mountain….

Now, look back the time that I thought the people that I work in the homes were less capable than me, that I should have only give to make all happy…

Think again….

They are still capable by just offering me a bun after noticing my hunger and tiredness…. It is just they climb a smaller mountain….

Yet still a mountain…

Hmmm….

The issue of facing higher authority is seems diminished and disappeared in the air…

All of us are as important…

Respect for the other person’s model of the world

“How are you today? Feeling good? Have you taken you meal…” The boss of the laundry shop spoke to the little dog in front of his own unit. Where there was a luxury car parked in front and the customer sent in a few pieces of expensive clothes for laundry with his pet (the dog) in side the car.

The old man in the car obviously a regular customer to the laundry shop. Once the car parked in front of the unit, the boss automatically stepped out to receive the clothes for laundry and have small chat with both, the old man and his pet.

This boss is someone came from China not long ago. Due to his hard work and excellent PR skill, he is able to build his business successfully in a very short time after he migrated to San Francisco, U.S.A

He is really doing, what the Chinese phrase direct translation: Speaks human language when he meets a human, and speaks spirit language when he meets a spirit. He respects and welcomes all who come to him without judgment, and even he would not ignore a little dog in front of him.

Yes, you may say, he is good in bringing in sales to his business. What he is doing is what good sales personnel could do. But not to forget, almost all customers nowadays could feel whether your service is sincere, honest and comes from the heart. What’s more, we are always pampered with choices in the market.

In fact, all of us are very good at it. Like the way we speak to children is always loving and forgiving. We draw the picture of the fantasy world while talking to them. And when we talk to an old lady, we speak to them with respect and caring tone of voice.

We are very good at that.

By the time we come home. When we face our partner, spouse, children, parents and siblings at home. That’s a whole different story. We expect people around us follow what we believe. From cleanliness, religion, behavior, value and believe system.

The marriage and birth certificates seems like the certificates that we own the person for life and expect s/he to follow what we believe in.

Some of us may be unknowingly doing it unconsciously. It is very common among the Asians. The inner connection has become wider with tasks and roles in place with expectation at home.

Stress from work and pressured from time has evidently affected the relationship with children at home too. To many, the most effective way is to ‘control’ them…. Not to carry the baby once s/he cries, big boy do not cry, just frighten the child with canning and venting out with screaming would be the fastest way… to discipline a child.

Well, if one thinks that his or her way of doing thing is the best then, we could ‘clone’ another to keep the company for life. That would be no issue of differences, disappointment, or even perceive of making mistake in daily activities.

Hmm…However, in Chinese saying ‘If I was born with a special skill in life, it is definitely serve the humanity widely. That must be a use of it in this planet.’

Respect every profession is contributing to the society in it’s own way.

Respect every difference in behavior that the person has is her unique way to reach her own destination.

Respect every forgetfulness event happens of a person is the journey for the person to make.

Respect every perceived incompetence of a person, it’s just the person has got some other gifts to contribute in the team.

Respect every mistake that the person make is a lesson for the person to learn.

Respect every negative emotion (anger, sadness, guilt,…) the person has is to make the person to be responsible and take charge of his purpose in life.

Respect every individual has got his own speed to learn lessons and own pace to move forward.

Respect every failure that the person is facing is an opportunity for the person to break through to have the successful outcome.

Sometimes we may want our love ones to speed up the process of getting out of the box of self-inflicted conflict. The thing is the person has not learned the lesson and he never be able to see the box that he is having.

What we can do to help others is to respect the person in where he is now, and have the PATIENT to LEAD him out to where he could be.

Respect the differences that we have….

Respect for the other person’s model of the world….

One of the presuppositions of NLP

Perception is Perception

In NLP, we learn Perception is Projection.

 

That means what’s happening to your surrounding is a reflection from the in side of you….

 

How others treating you is eventually how you treat yourself unconsciously…. either you are aware or unaware of it consciously….

 

In life, sometimes, …

 

There are times; you feel you are a victim. Victim of being cheated by a business partner, victim of being betray in a relationship, victim of being a loser in an unreasonable competition, victim of being used, victim of being out cast in a community…

 

In order to be a successful victim, most of the time, there must be a bad person to be blamed of…. The person, who has done something unacceptable in a society, be it hurting the victim, doing harm to the victim.

 

S/he has done something that in conflict in value and belief system with the victim…

 

A successful victim has to being perceived as a good person, in fact innocent in the whole situation.

 

Many of us, unconsciously acting as a victim and pointing finger to others about what others have done wrong that caused us to feel hurt.

 

The victim, most of the time, is not aware of what s/he is treating oneself in the unconscious mind, that projected on the out side on how others treating him / her.

 

This will become a repeated pattern if the lessons not learn… in many areas in life… for years and sometime even a lifetime long…

 

Wonder you remember?

 

Every fall that you experienced is to make you to become a stronger person.

 

You become wiser by gaining each lesson that you learned.

 

You know that, right?

 

From there, people will tell you about forgive and forget about the person’s wrong doing… Right?

 

With all the opportunity of the knowledge and lessons that you have gained, we should extend our apologies to the person who hurt us in the first place.

 

???

 

Why? Why do we need to?

 

Think carefully…..

 

The person has to act in a role of being a bad person for us to learn about ourselves. Don’t you think it is an ugly role to play with?

 

The person who has taken up the role of being ugly for you to learn….

 

or as a reminder for you to learn how you treat yourself in side,

 

s/he is a truly victim…...

 

………

 

Perception is Projection

 

Hahahah………..

 

 

 

Focus on Self Only

 

I am finally back from the mountain of knowledge. I am back to my flying routine, observing my day-to-day activity. Though I miss the days in the mountain, just focus learning about myself, and function to be a better human.

 

Sometimes, maybe you have experienced…. There are times that you cannot understand why things that have presented in front of you. Though you may wonder in many reasons there are repeated pattern in your life…

 

This could be repeated pattern in how you face similar situations, could be at work when your demanding boss request you to do a certain tasks that have conflict in your value and beliefs, or your family member always give you the same issues to handle.

 

This issues keep coming back to you repeatedly…. in many ways..

 

Sometimes you say to yourself  : Not Again!

 

Though you may think that you are under control of everything that comes to you most of the time. You feel that you know what you are doing that produces best result that could be. That is the best that you could do… all this while…

 

Until one day, you found out there is a better way to manage the same situation. You realized you have wasted so much time and effort. Yes, it could be someone mentioned it before or you knew the answer before, but just, at that time you were not receptive enough to capture the new way of doing things.

 

You just do not understand why you behaved such a way?

 

You feel like you have walked through a long journey, just to come to a small step ahead only….

 

Just don’t understand why…..

 

You have been very careful of everything that you do… You thought you were doing the best that you could….

 

You just did not grasp hold of the essence of learning at that time…

 

Hmm….

 

That reminds me of someone was telling me about…

 

We take one step at a time with our own pace…

 

Sometimes there are things that we tried so hard to reach, be it a learning process, or a statement… We just could not understand….

 

That’s right….

 

Therefore, we just take one step at a time… by comparing to the self not to others.

 

Ever individual is unique, and walk at a different pace in life…

 

We are NOT comparing to others in order to improve ourselves…

 

We could observe others in what we can improve in ourselves, but NOT comparing with them…

 

We are here to improve ourselves in each step that we take…. Each step that we move ahead is always better than the step before….

 

We are just comparing to self only…

 

By doing so, you will find yourself moving even faster than you could imagine of…

 

This is what we meant by FOCUS ON SELF ONLY…

 

This is one of the major learning that I have gained during my NLP Trainer’s Training in the mountain of knowledge…